Numbness of the Soul

The very nature of this disease prevents me from noticing its onset. The strong whiff of a woman’s perfume when you are looking the other way, the odour of your sweat - it is my olfactory senses that give me clues, telling me I lived in another world once, with feelings. I felt more often then. Happiness wasn’t eating a cheese-stuffed pizza; it was a feeling; a stream of energy inside me.

Feelings. Anger, happiness, joy, and sorrow - their current form is a cheap replica of their true self, a poor attempt at fooling me, my olfactory senses tell me. Things used to be better. I would not have believed them, but while they whisper in my ears, I can remember feelings; their memories are stronger than their present form. Who knew one could remember feelings.

Back then, world was a big and scary place, full of wonders and unseen places. Having someone in the room made it less scary. I haven’t explored the world any more today, but it feels like an old, familiar place, with no feelings or adventures left to offer.